It was 1:00am I was leaving the local punk rock show. Everyone was going to the after party, except for me because I had work in the morning. I had a few beers nothing too crazy but I figured it would be safer to take the back roads home. Last thing I needed was to be thrown into the clink and then have to pay for a DUI that my shitty job couldn’t afford.
It wasn’t too long into my drive when my tiny bladder that could barely hold one beer was screaming at me “I gotta piss!!”.. I pulled over on the side of the road just up a head. Like I said it was late. Not a car or a soul in site, Hardly even a sound just the sound of my shitty beater and the sound of punk rock coming from my stereo. This stretch of land was a wooded area filled with pine trees I was somewhat familiar with the area. There is a house that use to be long to this guy who went by Mr. Barley.. we use to call him “old man gnarly”.. he had some crazy stories and the whole town thought he was insane. He disappeared when we were in high school and his house has been abandoned since. We use to break into the house, it was a cool place to drink beer and smoke pot and the house is riddled with spray paint on the walls and broken glass. We quit going there about a year ago when this kid from the next town over decided to go exploring there on his own and then word got out that he went missing. People looked for him for weeks but there was no sign of him. Cops tend to still patrol the area frequently so it’s just been best to stay away.
Anyway I made my way about 5 or 6 feet into the tree line and dropped my pants. As I stood there staring off into woods I heard a rustling of leaves. I chalked it up almost immediately to be a squirrel or a raccoon. But then these dark blue eyes locked onto mine. I was scared shit-less but I was already mid stream and there was no running away right now. If I were too I surely would have tripped on my pants and my ass would have been exposed to the moon light and chilly crisp air. That was not the way I wanted to go out. I wouldn’t want the whole town to think I was some weird dude who liked to get naked in the woods…
The dark blue eyes slowly shifted down and this creature took a step back. I thought to myself “ oh shit, he’s setting up for attack!” But then suddenly he ran off into the dark abyss of the forest…I quickly pulled up my pants and made my way back to my car. I was safe!
Now I will never know for-sure. This creature either saw me and was jealous, or the large man beast sized me up and thought I was just one of his own. All I do know is that was the night Big Foot saw my small dick…
Comments